I always wondered about your claim of knowing how to fly an aeroplane on your myspace page. Can you really hypnotize a chicken then?

2002: Age 25. The big transition year. Finished my second run at college with my design degree and thought soon I’d have a good job and would be on the road to some kind of meaningful adulthood. Went from going to tons of shows in Cleveland to working 4-midnight making tithing envelopes in Boardman. Began drifting away from art school friends. My decline begins here. On a positive note, this is the year I discovered Kool Keith and the year I started listening to more alt-country and blues.

1997: Age 20. Going Mt. Union college, living by myself. In year 2 of 3 year crush on girl I never went out with. Still ridden with residual teen angst and unhappy but actually beginning to enter my ‘good times’ final phase of college. Wondering what the hell I’m going to do with a fine art degree, thinking about getting a design degree after college. Hung out with people I wouldn’t speak to at all in 1998. Stopped drawing for myself, stopped flying. Still kinda into UFOs

1992: Age 15. High school. This is the year I developed my first crush. Expressed my affections in a variety of creepy and misguided fashions. Went to Canada on school trip. Started flying lessons. Started skiing. Really into comic books and The Beatles, and books about UFOs

1987: Age 10. Really into comics. Life ruined when heroes actually died at the end of Crisis on Infinite Earths. Drew tons of superheroes with small heads. Parents get me boombox, Beach Boys tape and book about UFOs. Won state championship in science fair, fooling everyone including self into thinking there was a future in science.

1982: Age 5: Was the smart kid supposedly doing smart kid stuff. Setting up parents, self for the greater disappointments to come, little did we know.

2002, age 24: Post 9/11 depression. The band i was in (sunschool) went to Georgia then broke up. listened to a lot of Joy Division. Saw some amazing shows that changed my life (Walkmen, Mink Lungs, Calla, Liars, Natural History, lots of others.) Decided to kill myself, then didn’t. started dating a women i would eventually marry and subsequently divorce. Moved in with said woman and her two dogs. started seriously recording my own songs and formed my band, the Ne’er Do Evers.

1997, age 19: wrote bad poetry which i took very seriously. dropped acid the first time. graduated high school, had a summer girlfriend, which is to say by sep we had broken up. after that, i started college in Akron. met a girl i fell MADLY in love with in Columbus. She turned me on to Leonard Cohen, need i say more? i spent the night with her, that’s as far as it went. Broken hearted, i quit school that winter, dated a crazy mom, drank a LOT, and started working at a plastics factory. made plans to move to LA and live on the streets.. ended up in Cleveland instead the next year.

1992, age 14: graduate from fat kid douchebag to cool dude in junior high as a result of a bass solo in jazz band and the appearance of “alternative.” i was already wearing flannels and converse and growing my hair out, so i guess i was a shoe-in. had my first kiss and first dance. also, first girlfriend (not the same person.) may have lost my virginity that year (or maybe the year after? anyways, i moved quick..) met my friend Nathan, who i don’t communicate with any more, but completely shaped who i am today. Heard the Pixies through him. Heard punk rock for the first time. got drunk for the first time (40 of St Ides.) Joined a band for the first time. Started exhibiting self destructive, impulsive, and angry behavior. All in all, really enjoyed myself.

1987, age 9: really don’t remember anything here. i was really into star trek, i think. and the Monkees. Didn’t have any friends i could relate to, didn’t have like a “best friend” or anything.

1982, age 4: uuuuuh. I liked stuffed animals. i liked star wars, a LOT. i was still living in Hartville. was really into MTV.

1077, age -1: nuthin.