I am also dating this girl (And, I want to point out that that this dream has nothing to do with my current relationship with Adele…this whole thing just feels symbolic, you know?) with whom things are not going well. Between trying to manage the movie and the relationship, I’m stressed out.

However, we finish the film just under budget by cutting corners and having locals volunteer for parts in the movie. One couple shows the crew a trick (which we get on film) where the guy (an old, heavy-set man with a beard) pours whisky on himself, and his wife (an older woman, early 50s, maybe) rubs ice cream on him, then sets the whisky on fire. Everyone has a good laugh. Then, they tell me a joke which begins “What do you call a couple made up of an Amish man and an ‘English’(non-Amish) woman?” They tell me the answer, and I feel like the answer holds some key to understanding the universe, much like the question “If, hypothetically, you have a bottle, and in the bottle is a goose roughly the size of the bottle, how do you get the goose out of the bottle without hurting the goose or breaking the bottle?” The joke is one of those types of things.

Anyway, right before the wrap party, my girlfriend breaks up with me, but says, “Don’t get upset. We both know this was going to happen, and we’re better for it.” I agree, and I go to the wrap party. Cue the song “Come Monday Night” by God Help the Girl.

Upon waking, I can not remember the punchline to the Amish joke.

But that can’t be right. It was New Yea’rs Eve. New Year’s is always fuzzy. Could it be that my decision to stick to beer and avoid the shots and the mixed drinks was a good one? Did I actually make a responsible decision?

There are truly the end times.

Happy New Year, and may Quetzalcoatl bring you a great year to come. You know, before he ends it all on December 21st! 

Rep. Fudge,

Hello. I recently moved to Shaker Heights and was pleased to see that we have a representative who is as dedicated to Civil Rights and issues of Social Justice as you are. I know you are busy, so I will make this short.

I am writing to plead that you vote against the Stop Online Piracy Act.

Online Piracy is a big deal, and I understand the desire to put new tools in the hands of the legal system to deal with it, but the collateral damage the act will cause would hurt many websites and internet-based businesses.

The Internet has changed the way the world operates. While the freedom of the Internet has made the piracy of intellectual property easier then before its inception, this same freedom has opened new doors for Democracy, both in and outside of the United States. Social media sites like Twitter and YouTube have been used to make the world more aware of the plight of the inner cities of the United States, and they were instrumental in the revolutions in Libya and Egypt. Putting the keys to this powerful medium solely in the hands of the entertainment industry lawyers is counter to everything the United States is supposed to stand for.

I won’t take any more of your time, though I will provide a link to a video (about PROTECT-IP, the Senate version of the bill). Thanks you for your time, and I hope you will oppose this misguided bill.

Thank you for your time,

Jason Novak

OK, here’s the thing: SOPA almost passed today. I urge all of you to write similar letters to your congresspeople and tell them to say no to SOPA.

Also, I’m terrible at self-promotion, but the Canton Film Fest is going on right now. This is of interest to you because I wrote most of the promotional stuff for it, including the program. I’ll be there tomorrow night to check out the horror movies, so if you see a guy who looks completely awesome, it’s probably me.

Poster by Jayson Shenk

…and I wake up as I lunge at the pillow beside me.

Here’s what the design looks like:

Go buy it!!!

Here’s the design!