Archive for the Conspiracies Category

So…what’s going on with me? (The bad news)

Posted in Conspiracies on 1 December 2009 by jason

Now that NaNoWriMo is done, I have time to write about what else is going on in my life. I’ll start with the bad stuff. First off, my apartment continues to be the ghetto. All month, I’ve been trying not to throw stuff away because my dumpster was full. It seems that my landlord neglected to pay the bill. This all came to a head on Friday, when the garbage collectors repossessed the dumpster. Now, legally, I have no place to put my garbage.

My landlord told me that I should just use the neighbors’ dumpster. When I pointed out that that’s illegal and that my neighbors yelled at me when I last did that, he said, and I quote, “Be sneaky.” He also said that a new company would be out to give us a new one. Three days later, and nothing.

I also heard my neighbor sell drugs to someone. So I live next to a drug dealer. Again.

Obviously, it hasn’t all been bad. There’s been a lot of good this month, but I don’t want to ruin it by talking about it in a post about garbage!

You can only watch propaganda!

Posted in Conspiracies, inturwebs, Television on 8 February 2009 by jason

This is from the youtubes. It is amazing.

My head…

Posted in Conspiracies, Rambling on 9 October 2008 by jason

…hurts. Again. I woke up with a headache, dry mouth, and general disdain for the morning. This leads me to believe that either:

1) I have sleep apnea, and I’m not breathing in my sleep.
2) I have multiple personalities, and my other personality is getting drunk at night
3) I’m being abducted by aliens every night.

I need more coffee.

When they broke in 2 weeks ago, did the burglars steal a half a bag of Miracle Grow?

Posted in Conspiracies, otter, Rambling on 6 July 2008 by jason

Yes, they did.

My back, and the sign which hangs from it.

Posted in Conspiracies, Exercise, Food, Holidays on 20 June 2008 by jason

3:00 AM. I had just settled down for sleep an hour earlier, and was completely sojourning through the dreamlands when a CRASH!!! awoke me. Breaking glass.

“What the what the what did you cats do!?!” I shouted as I sprung from my bed and onto my knees, on the floor. My body wasn’t working yet. The thing was, the cats were on my bed, just as freaked out as I was. Oh shit! It must be a break in! I thought.

Then I heard, “YOU BROKE IT, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!!!” from upstairs. Ah. The neighbors are fighting, and the’ve just broken their sliding glass door, which has somehow rained glass through the slits on their porch and onto mine. I try to go back to sleep, but with the yelling, the girl from upstairs escaping her apartment via my balcony, and the other neighbor sweaping his sliding glass door off of his porch and onto mine, I didn’t get much sleep.

This morning, I got ready for my workout. I figured I had to at least get that done before I cleaned off my balcony. So, after assaying the damage in broad daylight (I’ll probably never be able to step barefoot on my porch again), I headed out to the College.

I got to the weight room to discover that they had decided to close up early today. No workout for me, but at least I could go run on the track, right?

No dice. The Relay for Life is tomorrow, so the tracks closed to let the crew set everything up.

Pissed off, I headed home to sweep off my balcony. Now, I’m not my neighbor; instead of merely sweeping the shards of broken glass onto the ground (and my downstairs neighbor’s backyard), I got out the dustpan and swept as much of it as I could into my trash. After that, I had worked up an appitite, so I decided to make my day start going better by heading to Eurogyro, the gyro place down the street.

I hopped in my car and took off, eager to partake in Eurogyro’s vegitarian goodness. I was so eager that I didn’t see the stopsign (or the cop), and I got pulled over. Two buildings away from mine. I could see my appartment from where I got pulled over.

So that’s how my day’s gone. I’ll admit that the stopsign was my fault. That’s cool. But the broken glass had fuck all to do with me, and if the gym was going to be closed today, they should have posted it earlier in the week instead of wasting my gas.

And today’s a holiday! It’s supposed to be a good day for me!

You’re kidding me, right?

Posted in Conspiracies, Music, Radio on 10 June 2008 by jason

When I go to work, it’s like I’m camping. No, I don’t mean that I sit out and roast vegetarian hot dogs over an open flame; I mean that I carry so much crap. I have my bag with my laptop, books, paperwork, and whatnot, a second bag with my workout gear, a third for my lunch, and I’m usually carrying a coffee around.

When I get off work, sometimes I buy groceries. This means that my trip back to my apartment is harder than the trip to work. Because of this, I sometimes leave my stuff in the car to get later.

So, last night, I went out at about 1 AM to take out some trash and get my stuff from my car. On my way to my car from the dumpster, I was surprised by a stray cat. “Woah! Hello, little kitty,” I said. It just stared at me. Then, a second cat appeared, ran towards me, and stopped by the other cat. This was a little creepy. “Er…hi?” I whimpered, backing towards my apartment. Then, a third cat, a kitten, appeared. The cats just stared at me with sickly glowing yellow eyes. My parking lot turned into Village of That Darned Cat! Giving up on making it to my car, I headed to the apartment, followed the whole way by these creepy, creepy cats.

This morning, I awoke to find that overnight, thieves broke into my car and stole my stereo (technically my brother’s stereo), and I don’t know what else. They ransacked my car, and didn’t have the decency to close my door afterwards, so it rained in my car all night.

(My Mountain Goats CD, Heretic Pride, was in the stereo. I don’t illegally download music, but I also refuse to pay twice for a CD, so I guess I’ll just never have that one again.)

Anyway, it’s obvious that these cats were working with the thieves in some sinister network of orphan animals and cutpurses.

Artist\'s rendition of one of the suspects, with wis company
ARTIST’S COMPOSITE OF ONE OF THE SUSPECTS, WITH COMPANY

Sick. AGAIN!!!

Posted in Conspiracies, Exercise, otter, Rambling on 23 April 2008 by jason

Ok, so at work, we like to play this game called “virus tag.” Right now, apparently, I’m it. Sore throat. Snot dripping, no, pouring from my nose. Coughing. Sweating. I other words, I don’t feel so well.

Anyway, yesterday, everyone took a vote and voted me off the island about 2 hours early, with the recommendation to get some sleep. A capital idea! I went home, slept, and sweat some of the sickness out of me.

A couple of hours later, I woke up and called me friend Jodi. He’s in town from California, so he only makes it up here about once a year. I told him that I was sick, so I shouldn’t come out, but he said that it was cool; everyone is outside and the weather is nice, so my illness won’t inconvenience anyone. Alright, that’s fine; I didn’t want to miss out on seeing him, so I went with the plan of only staying for an hour.

About 2 hours later, I had to leave. I was feeling a little worse than when I woke back up. Just then, the otter called. She hadn’t seen me in a while, so she wanted me to come over. I told her that I could, but I ad to leave by 11 so that I could get to bet.

11:40 rolled around, and I was out the door. Feeling sicker and sicker, I knew that I was in trouble, and if I didn’t get back to bed, I would have to miss more work in the morning. So I drove half-way home, and POP! my tire blew out.

I pulled into the nearest parking lot, and, weak from sickness, was not in the mood to change my tire. So I walked. Forty-five minutes. At midnight. In the cold air. Without a jacket.

Yeah.