Archive for the Movies Category

Back?

Posted in Movies, Writing with tags on 14 October 2011 by jason

I’ve been terrible at updating this blog, mostly because I’ve been spending my writing time with To Eleven. It’s the music blog, but even if you don’t like my kind of music, it’s entertaining enough. For instance, today, I’ve got a mock-fanfiction featuring Tegan and Sara teaming up with Kaki King and John Darnielle (of the Mountain Goats) to fight crime. Jayson said that it was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever written, so…go me?

Also, I’m terrible at self-promotion, but the Canton Film Fest is going on right now. This is of interest to you because I wrote most of the promotional stuff for it, including the program. I’ll be there tomorrow night to check out the horror movies, so if you see a guy who looks completely awesome, it’s probably me.

Poster by Jayson Shenk

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Things to do the day after breaking up with your girlfriend.

Posted in Bike, inturwebs, Movies, otter on 12 September 2009 by jason

Decide to stay in bed all day.
Decide to have a Wes Anderson marathon.
Decide to clean your entire apartment.
Decide not to do any of these things.
Answer the phone.
Fight.
Hang up.
Answer the phone.
Fight.
Hang up.
Give in to the urge to text your friends to let them know.
Receive encouraging texts back.
Forget to eat.
Call a friend.
Call another friend.
Play guitar.
Get some more encouraging texts.
Remember to eat.
Ride a bike.
Visit parents’ house.
Write a blog post.
(To be continued…)

Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Posted in Movies on 23 August 2009 by jason

Written and directed by Wes Anderson? Check.
Based on a Roald Dahl story? Check.
Featuring the voice of Jarvis Cocker? Check.

Yeah…I’m going to be in the theater for this one…

In Defense of The Hotel Chevalier

Posted in and other fun, Movies on 5 June 2009 by jason

Tonight, admittedly under the influence of a few glasses of vodka and juice, I decided to watch The Hotel Chevalier, written and directed by Wes Anderson.  Checking the Internet Movie Database’s forums, one can see that many thought that the short film The Hotel Chevalier was self-indulgent crap.  I respectfully disagree.  And now, I shall watch it, again, under the influence, and blog my observations via Windows Live Writer.

Meta-note: I’m drinking while watching the film, though when you read this, dear reader, I will not be drunk.  I have no internet connection of my own,  so I’m saving this to my computer and posting it tomorrow, which to you will be today.  It’s kind of like time-travel, in that way.

Meta-note 2: Virginia Woolf, if alive today, might say: “A woman must have money and an internet connection of one’s own if she is to write a blog.” As a true feminist, I would amend “woman” to “person,” as men and women should be equal.

Meta-note 3: This will all be pretty funny once I’m sober, so save for a few fact-checking things, I shall not edit this post before posting it.

Meta-note 4: Yes; when I’m tipsy, I use phrases like “so save for a few” and “I shall not.”  I was an English major for 9 years, and I tutor writing.  It takes effort for me to not talk like that.  It’s how I think.

Meta-note 5: The Hotel Chevalier is a short film that is on the DVD of The Darjeeling Limited.  If you have never seen it, read this post, then see it (or vice-versa) and take the following comments into consideration.

Anyway…

1) The Otter will tell you that I love The Hotel Chevalier because you get to see Natalie Portman naked (well, she never takes her socks off, so nearly naked).  However, I am not a huge fan of Portman, naked or otherwise, though she was awesome in The Professional

2)The yellow color scheme is awesome and feels immediately like a Wes Anderson project.  Robert Yeoman, the director of photography,  was sent to earth by divinity itself in order to help Wes Anderson make movies that I would love.  He has NEVER let me down.  Also, though I am a pagan myself (well, a semi-practicing, non-traditional neo-pagan/chaos magician), I would like to say that Pope Benedict-whatever-number-he-is should put the guy who invented the Futura font on the fast-track to sainthood.  Like, now.

3)Portman is awesome on the phone.  She manages to be both menacing and teasing when she asks “Can I come there"?” (or is it “Can I cum there?” ?) , she is very unsettling.  Jason Schwartzman (who, if a movie were ever made about my life, I fucking kid you not, would by my first choice to play me) really looks terrified when he realizes who he’s talking to.  He sells that shit.

4) Peter Sarstedt’s “Where Do You Go to My Lovely” is the PERFECT soundtrack for this short piece.  When the girlfriend (AKA Portman) asks “What’s this music,” I hate her.  Hate’s a strong word, so I’ll use it.  I hate her.  She’s a bitch right from the start.  Bitch is a strong word.  You’re goddamn right it is.

5)And who the hell is she talking to on the phone as she walks in to destroy Jack’s (Schwartzman’s) life?  It’s like this meeting is not important.  It’s just a thing.

6)The almost-kiss-but-only-a-hug reminds me of Richie and Margot Tennenbaum in The Royal Tenenbaums.  I’m 100% sure this is intentional, which begs the question, “Wes Anderson…what happened in your life that makes you write such heartbreaking scenes?”

7)Wes Anderson, every movie you make breaks my heart.  Is this what you want?

8)If it is, I can live with that.  Also, I relate to Richie Tenenbaum on so many levels that if I told you in person, you would probably get a restraining order against me.  I wouldn’t blame you, though.  I scare myself sometimes.  Do not worry, however; I’m not going to attempt suicide.  I’ve been there, it wasn’t good, and I’ll never be in that place again, I swear to fucking god I won’t.

9)I’m not tipsy.  I am drunk.

10) This is either the greatest or worst blog post ever.

11) I just imagined myself asking my friend Jayson if I sound like a twat, so I guess that Jayson has become some sort of moral compass for me.  I’m not sure how I feel about this fact, bit you da man, Jayson, and you are not a hater, despite what others may think.  You da fuckin’ man.

12) tHIS IS THE GREATEST POST EVER.  That was in caps lock accidentally, but you only live once, or twice, if that awesome song that has absolutely nothing to do with this film  is to believed so I’ll play it as it lay.

13)Back to this movie, whatever-the-fuck-it-is.

14)Jack has constructed a little world of order in his room.  His ex-girlfriend is disrupting his world by moving his stuff.

15)The music box plays “Les Champs Elysees,” which is one of the closing credits songs of The Darjeeling Limited.  I bow before you, Mr. Anderson. 

16) My apartment is kind of spinning, which is odd. Usually, it doesn’t move at all.  It’s part of the reason I moved here, actually.

17)Although I am not a fan off Ms. Portman, the short hair is nice.  And by nice, I mean hot.

18) The girlfriend takes Jack’s world that he has created and disrupts it.  She even uses his toothbrush.  Bitch.

19) I’m on 19?

20) Why isn’t Luke Wilson playing the part of Jack?

21)Seriously, the short hair works for Portman.

20-something)Bloody Marys?  Richie Tennenbaum drinks those.  Again, I think it’s intentional.

20-something-else) OK…when Jack takes his ex’s boots, then pants, off, it’s freaking hot.

Whatever-number-I’m-too-drunk-to record) Bruises?  WTF?

Number-after-that) Detractors, I say to you that this short piece has some of the best dialogue in a Wes Anderson film, so you’d better recognize:

GF:  Have you slept with anyone?

Jack (pause): No.  Have you?

GF (LOOOOONG pause): No.

Jack: That was a long pause.  I guess it doesn’t really matter.

GF: No, it doesn’t.

(After making out)

Jack: You’ve got bruises on your body.

GF: Whatever happens in the end, I don’t want to lose you as my friend.

Jack: I promise, I will never be your friend. No matter what. Ever.

GF: If we fuck, I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow.

Jack: That’s OK with me.

GF: I love you.  I never hurt you on purpose.

Jack: I don’t care.

AFTER A PAUSE …

Jack: Want to see my view of Paris?

GF: (After a pause): OK.

Seriously, I will never write anything as emotionally resonate as that.  No matter what.  Ever.

My Watchmans: Has you seen them?

Posted in Comics, Movies, Music on 15 March 2009 by jason

Well, I saw the Watchmen movie. I really wish I could be unbiased about the whole thing, but I love the comic too much. So, here is my brief review, trying to separate my movie fan and comic fan tendencies.

Movie Fan: The opening fight was awesome. Pretty brutal. It really lets the viewer know that Comedian is not someone to mess with, yet his attacker can mess him up.

Comic Fan:Attacker white male. Very strong. Can see his face. Obvious.

Movie Fan:Er, yeah. I guess. Anyway, nice opening sequence, though the music is a little obvious. Still, what a great way to dish out exposition without it feeling like exposition.

Comic Fan: Hurm. Comic did it better. Mason’s book. Playboy interviews.

Movie Fan:Yeah, but you can’t put that in the movie. Let’s fast forward…the costumes are great! Rorschach is dead on, Dr. Manhattan is amazing, Night Owl/Dan looks awesome-

Comic Fan: Dreiberg is flabby. In comic. Too young in movie. Manhattan looks ridiculous. Does not translate well to film. Night Owl costume is second-rate batman.

Rorschach good though. Hurm.

Movie Fan: The entire soundtrack is obvious. ESPECIALLY “Sound of Silence.” And “Hallelujah” goes on for-fucking-ever!”

Comic Fan: Agreed.

Movie Fan: AH! Common ground! Anyway, about the “Hallelujah” scene…it felt out of place, didn’t it?

Comic Fan: Comic version proves a point; movie version gratuitous.

Movie Fan: Why are you talking like that?

Comic Fan: Hurm.

Movie Fan: Without spoiling anything, the ending worked. I know that a lot of comic fans hated it, but with time constraints, the original ending would take to much time to set up and wouldn’t have made much sense.

Comic Fan: Book ending better. Should not have compromised. Terry Gilliam would have made 5 hour movie to keep ending. Zack Snyder weak. Possibly homosexual. Must investigate further.

Movie Fan: Hey! None of that here. We are not speculating on anyone’s sexuality based on stereotypes and hate!

Anyway, overall, the movie was alright. It lacked subtlety, but it was interesting and it managed to keep most of the book’s philosophical questions in tact. Three and a half out of five stars.

Comic Fan: Joking, of course.

Movie Fan: What’s that?

Comic Fan: Joking. Movie insult to original material. Insult to Alan Moore. No stars.

Movie Fan: Come on! You have to admit, it wasn’t that bad!

Comic Fan: Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon.

Movie Fan: Well, I liked it. I hope they make a sequel!

At this point, the Comic Fan in me throws the Movie Fan down an elevator shaft.

The Encyclopedia Genxia-Tron

Posted in Gen X Encyclopedia, Movies on 2 March 2009 by jason

From jaynova’s Gen X Encyclopedia, a new entry!

SPOILERS!!!

Tron-A live-action Disney movie from the early ’80s about what computer programs really do when we’re not looking (kind of like those old cartoons with the talking books or household items.) Mainly, programs play games like “Discs of Tron” and “Light-Cycles,” which look really awesome until you get de-rezzed, which means you die. Anyway, Flynn gets trapped in a very obvious Christ motif while looking for “scuzzy data” and has to endure the Game Grid(tm) while trying to overthrow the Master Computer Program(tm). Eventually, he dies for the programs’ sins, or rather, he returns to our world, which must be like Heaven for computers. He will come again, most likely in the upcoming Tr2n.

Who Watches ?

Posted in Books and Literature, Comics, Movies on 6 February 2009 by jason

I’m not sure how I feel about these. They are the internet promo films for the Watchmen, a movie that I fear will completely bastardize the comic it is based on. The first of these things makes me happy:

The second one has some problems, which I’ll address after you watch it:

OK. First, I’m not buying that it’s a 1970s film. It looks too modern, and it seems artificially aged. the previous film looks like old video…this one lopoks like new film. Also, the CGI key is distracting.

From a plot perspective, I’m not sure what the Commedian is doing there, as he worked for the government after the Keene Act, so he is not a criminal.

The 1st film is nearly perfect, but the second one is trying to hard to be cool.

Still, I’ll probably give the bastards my money when this comes up in march.